


You Don't Have to be Alone

by a1_kitkat



Category: Westlife
Genre: Challenge Response, Closure, Comfort, Heartbreak, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 08:05:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3320135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the StoryLoife Xmas Challenge in 2007. Each writer is given random things/pairing to incorporate into a fic.</p><p>Christmas is a lonely time of year for someone who is still suffering from a breakup.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Don't Have to be Alone

Nicky looked up as the door opened and a familiar figure approached him. He picked up his latte and took another sip as the younger boy pulled up a chair opposite him.  
"Sorry I'm late, couldn’t find a place to park” Nicky nodded but didn’t say anything.  
“I see you’ve ordered already” Again, Nicky nodded.  
“I’ll be right back then”

The blonde watched as Shane stood up and walked over to the counter. He placed his mug back on the table and aimlessly stirred it. He didn’t want to be here, didn’t know why he had bothered to come. Yet Shane had been insistent. The blonde continued to stir his drink until long after Shane returned.

“Thanks for meeting me” Shane said to him.  
“Yeah, whatever” Nicky replied.  
“Come on, Nicky. It’s Christmas Eve; you’re supposed to be happy”  
“Happy?”  
“Yeah”  
“Don’t you ever get tired of being alone?”  
“Alone? I’m not alone, I have you lads”

Nicky returned to his latte.  
“Why are we here?” Nicky asked him.  
“I wanted to make sure you were okay” Shane admitted.  
“Why wouldn’t I be?”  
“Nicky, you get like this every Christmas… You sit at home, all alone, drinking yourself stupid. And I didn’t want that happen this year”  
“You shouldn’t have bothered, Shay. I’m fine with my routine”  
“No you’re not”  
“Just leave me alone, okay?”  
“Nicky, I’m just worried about you”  
“Well don’t be”

The blonde pushed his drink aside and stood up.  
“Sorry to have wasted your time… Actually, no I’m not. You invite me here just to make fun of me, no thanks! I’m out of here”  
“Nicky”  
“I’ll see you after New Year’s”  
Shane reached out and grabbed Nicky’s arm.  
“No, please don’t go”  
“Let go of me, Shane”  
“Nicky, please!”  
“Shane-“  
“Just answer me this, what would be your ideal Christmas present?”

Nicky wrenched his arm from Shane’s grasp and looked down at him.  
“What does it matter? He’s never coming back to me”  
“Nix…” Shane trailed off. “What’s your second choice then?”  
As the blonde picked up his jacket and pulled it on, his eyes met Shane’s.  
“Closure” 

On that note, Nicky turned and headed for the door.  
“Merry Christmas, Nicky” Shane said to him.  
“Yeah, Merry frigging Christmas, Shane”

*****

Nicky was thankful to be out of there. He wasn’t even sure why he had agreed to meet Shane. Of all the people he wanted to see on Christmas Eve, there was really only one on his list. He was hopeful that this year would be different to the previous ones. He pulled his jacket around him as he walked through the crowded streets.  
The blonde passed a street corner and spotted a small group of carol singers. He stopped and listened to the sounds of their harmonies. It was funny that a song such as ‘We Wish You a Merry Christmas’ could bring such sadness to his heart. He pushed on, determined to make it back to his car before he froze to death.  
There were so many happy couples out and about. All smiling and laughing; some were holding hands and sharing tender kisses as they finished their Christmas shopping. Nicky lowered his head, not wanting to look at the sickening sights before him, and hurried down the street. He reached his car, climbed in and drove home as fast as he dared.

When he reached his home, snow had started falling. Even the sight of falling snow brought sadness to his heart. He remembered, in his youth, how much he had adored the winter and snow fall. Nicky crossed the yard, unlocked the front door and hurried inside. He removed his jacket and wet shoes then moved into the Kitchen. The refrigerator was stocked with his Christmas supply of alcohol and he reached for a beer.  
The blonde walked into the Living room. He approached the fireplace and picked up a framed photo. There they were at the height of their career and their relationship. They looked so happy. They had been so happy. Until, one day, Bryan had up and left the band… And him.

Nicky moved back and collapsed on the couch with his beer. The alcohol tasted bitter but he didn’t care. This was, after all, his Christmas tradition. He started with beer, then a bottle of wine and ended the night with a bottle of scotch.  
He remembered last Christmas when Shane and Mark had turned up during the bottle of wine and tried to convince him to build a snowman with them. So he’d reluctantly staggered outside and supervised the construction of said snowman. That is, until the memory of his perfect Christmas with Bryan became too much for him. Then he lost control and he’d pushed Mark, head-first, into the snowman.  
Perhaps that was the reason why Shane had called and asked to meet him in a public place, surrounded by crowds of people. Either way, Nicky regretted meeting Shane today, much in the same way he’d regretting shoving Mark into the snowman.

The afternoon passed painfully slow. Nicky finished one beer and moved on to a second. At one point, he drifted off to sleep and awoke several hours later. He climbed off the couch and returned to the Kitchen. For some reason, the thought of another beer didn’t appeal to him so he closed the fridge and tried to rustle up some dinner. After a quiet and depressing meal, he took the bottle of wine upstairs with him and lay down on his bed. But he didn’t open the bottle.  
He reached into his bedside table and located another photograph. They looked so happy together. With a pang of sadness, Nicky realized the image he was holding had been their last as a couple. He placed the picture back in his drawer and climbed off the bed. Nicky walked into the bathroom, shed his clothing and climbed into the shower. He showered until the warm water turned cold then he returned to the bedroom. He searched his closet and re-emerged with his best, most expensive suit.

Nicky took his time to get dressed and fix his hair. He scrutinized his appearance several times before deciding he was ‘passable’ to leave the house. The blonde retrieved his coat and made his way down the stairs. He checked to make sure he had his keys but left his wallet and phone on the table. The blonde then headed to the front door. Nicky stopped at the hall closet and pulled out a plain black scarf. He went outside and locked the front door behind him. Wrapping his scarf around his neck then pulling his coat tighter against his body, he began to walk down the street.  
He knew the drive would have been quicker but he was too tipsy to handle a car. Besides, he reasoned, they had walked together four years ago. He would walk alone tonight. He lost track of the time, his fingers turning slightly numb without his gloves. Eventually he ended up at his desired location.

The church looked beautiful. The bright lights and thin layer of snow gave the magnificent building an ethereal glow that took his breath away. He stood outside on the lawn, staring up at the building with quiet awe. The sounds of laughter reached his ears and he turned around. Across the road, a family was in their yard, constructing a snowman. The oldest of their children was in the process of making a snow angel. The mother was berating her son for getting his clothes all wet.  
Nicky turned around and slowly made his way inside the Church. He removed his scarf and coat as he walked down the aisle. Stopping halfway, he turned and stepped into a pew, taking a seat. Before long, the entire Church was full. By the time the sermon began, there wasn’t a single empty seat and more people were crowded around the back of the room.

Nicky took a deep breath, remembering years gone by when Bryan was sitting in the pew beside him. His heart ached for his love but he forced himself to push all thoughts of his ex from his mind. He listened intently to the sermon but found it didn’t take much for his mind to wander. They had sat together in this very Church and afterwards, they had sneaked around back and carved their initials into a tree. How they’d laughed about it later, as they made sweet, gentle love together in Nicky’s bed. Tears rolled down his cheeks at the memory and he wiped them away.

An elderly couple was sitting beside him and the woman handed him a tissue. He smiled at her and wiped his eyes. He failed to hear another word of midnight services as he lost himself in his memories. The singer wasn’t even aware when the sermon finished and the crowd began to filter from the room. The kind elderly woman gently touched his arm.

“It was a wonderful service” she said to him.  
“Uh, yes” Nicky replied. “Thank you for…” he held up the tissue.  
“You’re welcome, dear. One shouldn’t be upset on Christmas”  
“No, they shouldn’t”

She smiled again and stood up. Nicky watched the couple walk away, holding each other’s hand. His heart sank lower in his chest and he too stood up. As he left the Church, the choir was still singing and he blinked back more tears. He stopped outside, unsure of what to do now.  
Without thinking, he started to walk around the Church and into the back field. Their tree was still standing and Nicky wanted to see if their initials were still there. As he approached the tree, he spotted a figure standing before it. His heart leapt into his throat and he hurried to approach him.

Bryan heard the footsteps and he knew who was approaching him. He slipped his hands back into his pockets and turned around. When Nicky reached him, Bryan could tell the older boy had been crying. Without realizing, he reached out to Nicky and pulled the blonde into his arms. Nicky closed his eyes and sank into Bryan’s arms. He smiled to himself; it felt so right being in his arms again.

“What are you doing here?” Nicky asked him.  
“I thought I’d find you here” Bryan replied.  
“You were looking for me? Oh, Bry… I knew you’d come back to me!”  
“Nicky, I’m not-“

Nicky captured Bryan’s lips with his own, cutting him off mid-sentence. The younger boy allowed his lips to linger on Nicky’s for a moment then he pulled away.  
“Nicky,” Bryan argued as he tried to extract himself from the older boy. “Stop!”  
“Bryan?” Nicky pleaded. “Please?”  
“Nix, I’m sorry…”  
“Then why are you here?”

Bryan folded his arms across his chest and looked down at Nicky. The older boy was blinking back more tears.  
“I got a phone call” Bryan admitted. “And I thought you might need me…”  
“Of course I need you” Nicky pleaded. “I miss you so much”  
“You shouldn’t. It was over a long time ago, Nix”  
“Not for me!”

Nicky turned away from the younger boy and moved towards the tree. His eyes scanned the trunk for their initials but he couldn’t find them. His body started to shake and he reached out, running his hands over the tree to feel the inscription. Bryan watched him with a heavy heart before reaching into his pocket and retrieving a small flashlight. He turned it on and pointed the light towards the trunk. Nicky’s eyes followed the sphere of light until they rested on the remains of their declaration. Someone had been here before him and had attacked the tree with what appeared to be a knife. He could no longer make out the letters.

“What happened?” Nicky gasped.  
He turned to look at Bryan and the blonde moved the light off the tree to his other hand. He was holding a small pocket knife.  
“I’m sorry, Nicky” Bryan whispered to him.

“You… You did that?”  
“I had to, Nix”  
“No! It was us, what we mean to each other”  
“What we *meant* to each other. There is no ‘us’ anymore”  
“Why not?”  
“Because… I don’t love you anymore”  
“What?”  
“I’m sorry, Nix…”  
“No, you can’t mean that!”

Nicky hurried back over to the younger boy and placed his hands on the blonde’s face. Bryan couldn’t believe how cold Nicky’s hands were. The older boy wasn’t wearing any gloves. He reached up and took both of Nicky’s hands in his own to warm them up. The older boy looked into his eyes with such love and adoration that Bryan had to avert his gaze.

“Bryan, you held me like this, on this very spot, four years ago and told me you couldn’t live without me… Now you’re telling me it meant nothing?” Nicky sobbed.  
“I didn’t mean nothing; I promise you that. You meant a lot to me, Nicky. You still do. We just… I can’t be with you anymore”  
“Why not? I thought that’s why you were here”  
“I’m here to tell you to forget about me. Move on with your life Nicky. I have! I just… I didn’t know that you hadn’t…”  
“Well, how did you find out…? Shane”  
Bryan nodded.  
“He’s worried about you. He told me what happened last Christmas and that… That you needed to see me. I was going to stop by your house but decided to come here first”  
“See, you knew I’d be here!”  
“I thought there was a chance I’d see you here but… I didn’t *know*”

Nicky pushed away from Bryan and turned back to the defaced tree. He couldn’t believe Bryan had destroyed it. He reached out and touched it, tears brimming in his eyes again.  
“Don’t you remember that Christmas? How special it was?” Nicky asked.  
“It was special, Nicky. And I promise I’ll never forget it. But it’s in the past now. You need to move on”  
“I don’t want to”  
“I’m engaged now. What do you have to show for yourself?”  
“I’ve been waiting for you… Waiting for you to come back to me”  
“But I’m not coming back to you, Nicky. It’s over”

“Did you ever love me, Bryan?” Nicky sobbed.  
“Yes, I did” Bryan answered.  
“What changed? What did I do wrong?”  
“You didn’t do anything, Nicky. I swear, it wasn’t you. It was me. My life got so out of control and I had to leave… Had to leave the band. Had to leave you. I didn’t want to do it but it all worked out in the end. Right now, I’ve never been happier”  
“But what about me? Don’t you care about my happiness?”  
“Of course I do… But you can’t find happiness with me”

“Colin!” the two singers heard a woman yell.  
A small child stopped running and looked up at his mother.  
“What are you doing?”  
“Nothing mommy”  
“What are you…? Don’t eat yellow snow!”  
The woman scooped the boy into her arms and carried him towards their car.

“Wow, and we thought we had problems” Bryan whispered to Nicky.  
“We do” Nicky replied.  
“No, we don’t. I’m sorry Nicky… But I came here to talk to you and now I have. And now I have to go home and be with the one I love”  
“I’m the one you love”

Bryan placed his hand on Nicky’s cheek and wiped away one of his tears.  
“Goodbye Nicky” Bryan whispered. “I know you’ll find him one day. And he’ll be the luckiest man on earth”  
“Bryan?”  
“Merry Christmas Nicky”

The younger boy leaned forward and placed a kiss on Nicky’s cheek. He could taste the salty tears on the blonde’s cheek and he pulled away. The look in Nicky’s eyes was too much for Bryan and the younger boy turned and walked away.  
Nicky watched him leave, too upset to beg him to stay. His eyes followed the blonde until he had disappeared from sight. Nicky wrapped his arms around himself and sank into the snow. The coldness seeped through his coat and pants and he began to tremble as he cried. It didn’t take long for his clothes to dampen and his entire body shivered.

A pair of arms encircled him and Nicky turned into the embrace.  
“Come on, Nicky” a voice whispered.  
“Shay?” Nicky replied. “What are you doing here?”  
“I’m here to take you home”  
“Why?”  
“Because Mark and Kian are waiting for us… Kian didn’t witness Mark’s swan dive into that snowman last year and I promised him we’d re-enact it for him”  
“Tonight?”  
“It’s Christmas Eve, Nicky. You need to spend it with the people you love… So we can’t have it without you. We *won’t* have it without you”

Nicky nodded and allowed Shane to help him to his feet. The brunette tightened his grip on the older boy and led him towards the car. He unlocked the passenger door and opened it for Nicky. The blonde climbed in and Shane closed the door. He hurried around to the driver's seat and climbed in. The younger boy started his car and drove to Nicky's house. Neither one of them spoke for the duration of the trip.  
Once they arrived at their destination, the two singers climbed out of the car and walked up the front path. Shane opened the front door and Nicky was surprised to find it unlocked.

"Kian and Mark are inside" Shane explained to him. Nicky nodded again.  
They went inside and Shane told Nicky to go, shower and change out of his wet clothes. With another nod but not another word, Nicky made his way upstairs. Shane walked into the Living room and found Kian and Mark. His two band mates were decorating Nicky's Christmas tree.

"Did you find him?" Mark asked Shane. The brunette nodded.  
"How is he? How did it go?" Kian added.  
"He's okay..." Shane told them. "At least he will be... I hope"

The three of them fell silent as they continued to decorate the tree. Some time later, Nicky appeared in the doorway. Mark was the first to notice him.  
"Ki, wanna help me in the Kitchen?" he asked his friend.  
"No" Kian looked up and saw Nicky. "Uh, sure"

The two younger singers stood up and hastened from the room. Nicky and Shane watched them go before turning and looking at each other. The blonde examined the tree, a look of confusion on his face. He could remember ripping all the decorations off it the previous night.  
"Kian and Mark thought it looked a little... Bare" Shane explained.  
Shane thought he still looked a little cold as Nicky pulled his sweater tighter around himself. The older boy hadn't left the doorway yet. His eyes were still scanning all the new additions to the room. Shane moved over to him and placed his hand on Nicky's arm. The blonde finally looked at him.

"How are you feeling?" Shane asked him.  
"I don't know" Nicky admitted.  
"It didn't go well?" Nicky shrugged. "I'm sorry... I know it was wrong of me to call him. But I was worried about you"  
"I understand"  
"Do you?" Nicky forced himself to smile at his friend. "So, what did he say... If I may ask?"  
Nicky's eyes met with Shane's once more and the brunette could see the tears glistening in his blue orbs.  
"He said that... That he doesn't love me anymore"  
"Oh Nicky"

Shane moved ever closer and wrapped his arms around the blonde. Nicky buried his face in Shane's neck and continued to sob. The younger boy reached up and gently stroked Nicky's hair, wanting to offer as much comfort to his friend as he could. 

"He said I have to move on" Nicky sobbed. "But I'm scared to"  
"Nix" Shane began.  
"There's someone out there for me... But he said it's not him"  
"There is, Nicky! And you'll find them, when the time is right"

Nicky nuzzled his face closer to Shane and closed his eyes. Shane held him close, afraid to let him go. The two friends were interrupted by a wolf whistle. Shane reluctantly released the blonde and turned to glare at Mark.  
"Sorry lads" Mark laughed. "But that's not what you're supposed to be doing"  
"What are you talking about?" Shane demanded.

Mark pointed and the two singers looked up.  
"Since when have you have mistletoe in your house?" Shane asked Nicky.  
"Uh, never?" Nicky stammered.  
"Come on, you know what to do!" Mark teased.  
"Back off" Shane hissed. Nicky's eyes continued to examine the mistletoe above their heads.  
"Awwww, come on. You know you want to!"  
"That's it... No more eggnog for you"  
"Shane!"  
"I'm serious, Mark. Nicky doesn't need this right now. He's upset enough-"  
"Exactly, you'd think a little snogging'd cheer him up"

Shane made a move towards Mark. The younger boy turned and hastened from the room. Shane was still glaring where Mark had been standing when he felt Nicky tug at his arm. He turned back to the older boy as Nicky leaned in and brought their lips together in a gentle and meaningful kiss. The blonde pulled away and looked down at the floor.

"Merry Christmas, Shay" Nicky whispered.  
"Merry Christmas, Nix" Shane replied.  
"Now I want Eggnog before Mark drinks it all"  
"Race ya!"  
"You're so on!

**Author's Note:**

> Westlife Member 1: Bryan  
> Seasonal Character: Carol Singers  
> Festive Location: Church  
> Christmas Item: Snowman  
> Random Line: 'Don't eat yellow snow'  
> Westlife Member 2: Nicky
> 
>  
> 
> Original publication date (on my now defunct 'All Things Shnicky' site): 2nd December 2007


End file.
